The Quiet Competition: Finding Stillness in a Digital Home
I noticed it on a Thursday night around 9:15 when the house was quiet and the toddler was finally asleep and the older three were in their rooms and I sat down on the couch with my phone to check something I had already checked three times that day. David was reading a book in the armchair and the only light in the room came from the lamp on the end table and the blue glow in my hand.
I looked up at him and he was just sitting there reading and turning pages. Not checking anything. Not scrolling. Just present in the room with a book and a lamp and the sound of the furnace clicking on.
And I felt this strange pang of envy. Not because I wanted to be reading a book instead of scrolling. But because I wanted to be the kind of person who could sit in a quiet room without reaching for something. I wanted to be comfortable in the stillness.
I put the phone face down on the cushion next to me and I sat there for a minute. Just sat. It was uncomfortable at first. My hand twitched toward the phone and my brain looked for something to do. But after a minute something shifted and the room got quieter. Or maybe I got quieter. And I realized that the stillness had been there the whole time. I just hadn't been willing to meet it.
Teaching Children to Hear the Spirit in a Digital Age
I think about this a lot as a parent when we talk about the still small voice in Primary and in family scripture study and in sacrament meeting. We tell our children that the Spirit speaks in quietness. But then we fill our homes with noise from the TV in the background and the notifications and the constant low hum of a house that is never fully quiet.
And I wonder if we're accidentally teaching our children that quiet is something to fill rather than something to sit in.
I wrote about this idea of protecting the ordinary rhythms of family life in Sabbath as a Sign: Moving from Rules to Rest and the same principle applies here. The goal is to make sure the quiet has a place at the table too.
"Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)
I used to read that verse and think it was about being still in the sense of not moving. But lately I think it's about being still in the sense of not reaching. Not grabbing for the next thing. Not filling the empty space with something that buzzes or beeps or demands your thumb. Just being present and letting God be God while you sit in the quiet.
How to Create a Peaceful Home with Kids
I have four children and a husband and a dog and a schedule that looks like someone threw a handful of calendar dates at the wall. Peaceful isn't the first word I would use to describe our house most days. But I have been trying something that helps.
We started doing something I call the analog hour. It's an invitation. For one hour each evening, the devices go in a basket on the kitchen counter. All of them. Mine too. And we read or draw or talk or just sit in the same room together without a screen between us.
The first few nights were rough with the teenager rolling her eyes and the middle-schooler asking what he was supposed to do and the second-grader keeping asking when the hour was over. But after about a week something changed. They started bringing books to the couch without being reminded. The teenager started sketching. The middle-schooler built a model airplane that took him four evenings to finish and he was so proud of it.
I'm not saying this is a magic solution. Some nights the hour is loud and chaotic and someone is crying about something. But even on those nights, the devices are in the basket and we are in the room together and that counts for something.
Reducing Digital Noise for Family Scripture Study
Scripture study is another place where the digital noise creeps in without us noticing. We use the Gospel Library app on a tablet for our family study and I love having the cross-references and the study helps. But I also notice that the tablet is a portal. A notification pops up and someone glances at it. A thought about something else comes in and the focus is gone.
I have started printing the verses we're studying on a piece of paper and putting the tablet face down on the table. It's a small thing but it changes the energy in the room. We are looking at each other instead of at a screen. We are talking about the verse instead of reading it off a glowing rectangle.
The same way I wrote about in Micro-Moment Discipleship: From Lessons to Daily Integration, the most meaningful spiritual moments in our home happen in the gaps. The pause between verses and the question a child asks when nobody is rushing to the next thing and the silence that follows a thought that lands.
LDS Sabbath Day Activities for Kids at Home
Sabbath is the day when the stillness is supposed to come easiest and it's often the hardest. The kids are bored and the devices are put away and the house feels too quiet and too loud at the same time.
I have been trying to reframe Sabbath not as a day of rules but as a day of permission. Permission to be slow, to sit on the floor and build something with blocks, to take a walk and look at the sky, to read a book that has nothing to do with school or homework or productivity.
The toddler and I sat on the back steps last Sunday and watched a robin pull a worm out of the ground. It took a long time and the worm didn't want to come out and the robin was patient. We sat there for maybe ten minutes just watching. No phone. No rush. Just a bird and a worm and a toddler who kept saying "again" every time the robin tugged.
That is Sabbath stillness. It's about what you're paying attention to.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I get my kids to agree to a no-screen time without a fight?
Start by making it a family commitment that includes the parents. If the kids see you putting your phone in the basket too, it feels like a team effort instead of a punishment. Focus on what they're gaining instead of what they're losing. A special activity and your full attention and a peaceful evening.
Is it wrong to use digital tools for scripture study or church apps?
The tools themselves are neutral and the key is intentionality, so use the app to go deeper into the verses instead of letting the app's notifications pull you out of the study. A simple trick is to put the device in airplane mode before you open the scriptures so nothing can interrupt.
What can I do if my child is genuinely struggling with a digital habit that feels unhealthy?
Approach it with love and patience. These habits are hard to break for anyone. At the same time, increase the good things in the home. More time outside, more family activities, more opportunities for real connection that feels better than what the screen offers. The goal is replacement, not removal.
Last night I sat on the couch again with the phone in the kitchen and David reading in the armchair and the lamp on. And I just sat there for a while. It was still uncomfortable for the first few minutes. But then the room got quiet and I got quiet and I remembered that the stillness is something I have to stop running from.
with love, Melissa