Lily's First Allowance and the Question About Grandma's Card

Lily's first allowance came out of my wallet at the cabin table on Wednesday, five dollars in ones and quarters, and before I'd got the wallet shut she asked if ten percent meant she got to keep ninety. It does. She wrote TITHING on a paper cup in letters that shrank toward the end because she ran out of cup.

We're at the cabin until the eighth, and the cups will turn into jars when we get home.

How do you explain tithing to an eight-year-old?

With money in her hand and as few words as you can manage. Lily was baptized a month ago, so she's already promised to keep the commandments, and tithing is one of the first places that promise turns into something you can count. I didn't give a talk. I told her the Lord asks for a tenth of whatever comes in, and that the revelation's word for it is "interest," which means increase.

"And after that, those who have thus been tithed shall pay one-tenth of all their interest annually; and this shall be a standing law unto them forever, for my holy priesthood, saith the Lord."

Doctrine and Covenants 119:4

"Increase" gave her something to measure. Money comes in, a tenth goes to the Lord first, and the rest is hers to sort out.

Jars, cups and the arithmetic

Label three of whatever you have: tithing, savings, spending. Jars are nicer, and cups work fine.

Five dollars is a good first allowance for one reason, which is that a tenth of it is fifty cents, two quarters a child can pick up and hold. Three dollars gives you thirty cents, which is a quarter plus a nickel and a decimal problem her teacher hasn't gotten to yet. If you're choosing the amount, choose one where ten percent comes out in coins. Then split the rest however you like. We do two dollars to savings and two-fifty to spend, and I had Lily add the three piles back up, because an eight-year-old who watches the total come out even will trust the system more than one who's told it works.

Fill the tithing cup first, before the candy money, so it never turns into whatever's left over. I taught third grade for five years, and tenths are right about where children meet decimals, which makes this real math homework. Nobody has complained about homework that pays out in quarters.

Use cash for the first few months. David builds payments software for a living and even he says a child can't feel a number on a screen go down. A quarter leaves her hand.

Eventually the cup turns into a tithing slip. She fills it in herself, puts her cash in the envelope and hands it to the bishop or one of his counselors after sacrament meeting. Let her carry it down the hall.

Does a gift from Grandma count?

This is the question an exact child will ask, usually about a card that's still on the fridge with a ten-dollar bill in it.

I've never found a Church rule that names Grandma's card. As far as I can tell, what counts as income is left for each person to settle with the Lord, and your bishop will talk it through with you if you ask. The scripture says "interest," meaning earnings and increase, and a birthday gift is a different animal from a paycheck. In our house allowance is always tithed and a gift is the child's call.

Say that out loud, and say that either answer to the gift question is a good one. Whatever you decide, decide it once and keep it the same every time. A child who's been told ten dollars from Grandma is tithe-free in June and tithe-bearing in September will be lawyering you by Christmas.

Money from selling something, a lemonade stand, a few dollars for pulling weeds next door: that's income, and I'd treat it like allowance.

When she says it isn't fair

Sooner or later the complaint comes. Ninety percent is plenty, but a tenth still feels like it went missing, and nobody has ever argued a child out of that feeling with a verse.

Let her do the sums herself and look at what's left. Then read Malachi 3:10 with her and be careful what you say it promises.

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

Malachi 3:10

It doesn't say what the blessing will look like or when, so don't promise your eight-year-old a bike.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if my child forgets to tithe one week?

Then she pays it the next week. Pull out last week's cup, count it up and move on. Fifty cents is a cheap place to learn this.

Should allowance depend on chores?

Either way the money is income once it's in her hand, so tithing applies. I pay for a short list of extra jobs and leave the daily ones unpaid, because nobody pays me to wipe the table. When I was getting Lily ready for baptism I noticed how much she was watching for what counted as doing her part, and I didn't want money tangled into that.

Do I tithe on my child's behalf?

No. Hers is a separate cup and a separate slip in her handwriting. Your tithing is yours, and she should see the two side by side.

Is a tenth too much for a child?

Fifty cents out of five dollars is the same promise a grown-up makes out of a paycheck, and she can see it in a cup. If a tenth ever stopped being possible for a family, that's a conversation for the bishop, and not a reason for a child to feel she's failing.

If you haven't started, pick the amount this week and make it one where ten percent lands on coins your child can hold. Settle the rule for gifts before the next birthday card shows up, and tell her what it is.

with love, Melissa